Another Logic Problem

A couple of weeks ago, I offered the first ever (as far as I know) pornographic logic problem. The winner was Will, from Kiss Yourself Goodbye. His prize was a packet of "Wacky Packages" stickers, scourge of my '70's childhood:


The runner-up was Glamourpuss, of The Pole Affair; Puss mastered the puzzle, but Will was a little faster.

Thank you both for playing!

This week's puzzle involves groupies. Last night, the European rock sensation Tin Monkey played in Happytown. Of course, all the young girls had had their tickets for weeks, but a few of them wanted something more memorable than just a band t-shirt. They wanted a night with the band.

The lads, of course, were more than happy to oblige. This time, though, they decided to spice it up a bit. They decided to have a contest to see who could have sex the fastest. The groupies, of course, were eager to join in the fun. Unfortunately, though, the boys in the band were a little drunk, so they weren’t too particular about their partners. One of them actually hooked up with a nun! Also, in their haste, each of them made a serious mistake. One even had unprotected sex with a girl who was sporting a cold sore!

The next morning, none of the boys could remember who had sex with who, but each recalled some small details of the evening. Based on these details, can you help them figure out what happened? If you do it fast enough, maybe they’ll let you tour with the band!


1. The bandmember with the Jehovah’s Witness took exactly 30 seconds longer to finish than the one who inadvertently had sex with the groupie’s belly button, who took exactly 15 seconds longer to finish than the one who had unprotected sex with the girl with a cold sore.

2. Ian took exactly 30 seconds longer to finish than the band member who “pleasured” the girl in the kilt and fishnet stockings. The kilt fetishist, on the other hand, took longer than Rick.

3. The band member who had sex with a nun, who somehow ended up with carpet burn, took exactly 15 seconds longer than Izzy, who paired up with the Jehovah’s Witness.

4. The band member who accidentally ended up with a bloke took exactly fifteen seconds longer to finish than Wrongo, who hooked up with the girl whose clothes were covered with band patches.