Crankster

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Two of the Most Disturbing Sites I've Ever Seen...



...Are rated G.

The first is Rolling to Recovery's Colossal Colon. Now, I know how important colon cancer awareness is. In fact, I drink psyllium seed every day to protect myself against the scourge. However, I'm not sure that a gigantic section of intestine is the way to go. Still, there it is. As the sponsors note on their website, "Visitors who crawl through the Colossal Colon will see examples of many colon diseases, including Crohn's disease, diverticulosis, ulcerative colitis, hemorrhoids, cancerous and non-cancerous polyps, and various stages of colon cancer. Actual colonoscopy footage was used to ensure that the Colossal Colon was as realistic as possible."

Well, as this picture shows, it's pretty realistic, although I can't help but think of the lyrics to "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds":

Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.



The second most disturbing site I've ever seen involves a really tall guy who dresses like Peter Pan. I generally try to avoid making fun of people (really, I do!), but Randy Constan's Peter Pan Page is extremely upsetting. Listen to the version of "I Don't Wanna Grow Up" that sounds like it was arranged by the villain in Saw. Cringe at the humiliating images that Randy has posted. Gaze into his soulless eyes. Try not to stare at his penis.

Feel the pain.

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21 Comments:

  • Talk about sticking your head up your ass!! That's taking it to a whole new level.

    I have seen the peterpan site. I think it's so funny! I wonder if he's found his tinkerbell yet.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 19, 2006 at 3:18 PM  

  • K. 1) Gross! and 2) GROSS! I've seen this site before. He should be in jail where he would never have to grow up...he could be everybody's little boy forever. It's just a matter of time.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 19, 2006 at 5:05 PM  

  • It's a tossup which is more disturbing.

    But the giant colon is the one that will give me nightmares, I think. The only thing missing seems to be the excrement itself. I'm imagining crawling through the damn thing, then suddenly finding it flooded from both ends by Richard Simmons clones.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 19, 2006 at 8:06 PM  

  • The humongous colon is weird beyond belief. That's a tour I'll skip.

    I've seen the Peter Pan site. The guy is in his 50's, if I remember correctly. (No, I don't want to check my facts for accuracy.)


    Wendy

    By Blogger heartinsanfrancisco, At November 19, 2006 at 10:54 PM  

  • Claudia-
    Looks kind of like a huge centipede, doesn't it.

    What kills me about Peter Pan Man is that he's 53.

    53!


    Lee-
    Wander through the site. There's a few where he douses himself while wearing 18th century clothes. I don't know where to begin...


    Mystic Wing-
    You just made me snarf. Well done!


    Hearts-
    When I was a kid, we visited a huge heart in the Franklin Institute. I'm with you, though; I can afford to miss the colon.

    And, please, don't even joke about Wendy!

    By Blogger Crankster, At November 19, 2006 at 11:19 PM  

  • Did you HAVE to say don't look at his penis? Cause that's all I looked at! I feel dirty now...Off to shower with very very hot water!

    By Blogger Nihilistic, At November 20, 2006 at 1:57 AM  

  • Holy crap. I had never seen that site. I am in awe.

    By Anonymous Just D, At November 20, 2006 at 6:24 AM  

  • I was the model for that colon.

    By Blogger mist1, At November 20, 2006 at 8:24 AM  

  • The colon site is a bit shit isnt it *snigger*

    As for the peter pan afficiano somewhere theres a dominatrix missing a client..

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 20, 2006 at 9:39 AM  

  • Thanks for that. Am now sitting here feeling a little embarrassed about buying a naughty pixie outfit. And I was so looking forward to trying those wings on...

    Sigh.

    Puss

    By Blogger Glamourpuss, At November 20, 2006 at 9:42 AM  

  • Double ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

    (hmmm, one question tho...why are you looking at this Peter Pan site????)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 20, 2006 at 10:06 AM  

  • Nihilistic-
    It's not your fault. It's the tights.

    D-
    And yet, it's definitely G rated. Isn't THAT disturbing!


    Mist-
    I feel like I know you a little too well now.


    Judith-
    All he needs is a Captain Hook fetishist, and he'd be set.


    Puss-
    Unless you're a 53-year old man with a Dorothy Hamill wig, I think you'll be fine.

    Please, tell me you're not a 53-year old man with a Dorothy Hamill wig!


    Odat-
    Are you kidding me? Try looking away; it's like a car wreck!

    By Blogger Crankster, At November 20, 2006 at 11:14 AM  

  • I don't know who Dorothy Hammill is but I do have the 53-year-old man outfit. For the more 'discerning' punters.

    Puss

    By Blogger Glamourpuss, At November 20, 2006 at 11:42 AM  

  • The colon is disturbing, yes...but I'm gonna be honest...I REALLY want to crawl around in that thing!!

    Steve~

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 20, 2006 at 12:46 PM  

  • That giant colon would make a great haunted house for the geriatric!

    That Peter Pan is very very bad and icky.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 20, 2006 at 2:28 PM  

  • Ok dude, I'm all grossed out now. Appreciate that.

    That Taco Bell might not've been the right choice for lunch today...

    By Anonymous Drib, At November 20, 2006 at 3:31 PM  

  • No problemo studmeister! Beats getting the colonoscopy. Do they have a tourbus? As for Peter Pan there, what a way to make a buck.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 20, 2006 at 6:38 PM  

  • Puss-
    Well, I guess it's good to have options.


    Steven-
    Of course you do. So do I. And, because of that, I feel like s@#t.


    Olive-
    That is one of the coolest ideas I've ever heard. "And, Mona, this is what happens if you don't drink your metamucil!"


    Drib-
    It could be worse. At least you didn't eat at Nathan's Famous.


    CEO-
    You think he caters to "specialized tastes" down at the bus station?

    By Blogger Crankster, At November 20, 2006 at 7:08 PM  

  • yeah, thanks for that.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 20, 2006 at 9:03 PM  

  • A lot of people don't know this but that is an actual segment of colon donated by Tom Cruise. It turns out that he was right all along; his shit apparently smells like a field of spring fresh daisies.

    By Blogger slaghammer, At November 21, 2006 at 12:59 AM  

  • Matt-
    Kinda makes you want to tear your eyes out, huh?

    Slaghammer-
    Tom Cruise, eh? I thought it was from Harvey Fierstein.

    By Blogger Crankster, At November 21, 2006 at 6:09 PM  

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