Logic Problem

So, my wife and I sometimes do logic problems for fun.

What, that's weird?

Well, then, so be it; it's weird. Anyway, I like logic problems. I get the same feeling from doing them that I get from completing a Sudoku puzzle. Actually, logic problems are a little more intense.

The trouble, though, is that the setups in logic problems tend to be a little too banal. Honestly, how excited can you get about figuring out the lineup for an imaginary television network, or the morning schedule for a dog-grooming company? Seriously, these are real logic problem setups.

So I decided to experiment with a more interesting scenario. I've included a form to help you plot it out. The first person to give me the correct answers will win the respect and adulation of millions and some sort of prize that I haven't figured out yet.

Rugged Roberta and Her Friends

It’s been a long time since Rugged Roberta worked the corners in Happytown, but she’s still in what she likes to call "the leisure industry." Now self-employed, she has an extensive client list, and caters to a wide array of interests. Unfortunately Greasy-Palmed Jake, her friendly neighborhood police sergeant, has seized her day planner and has told her that he won’t give it back unless she slips him 20% of her take. Roberta has no intention of paying; she’s not about to share her hard-earned cash with a wannabe pimp.

Everything was in code, so her clients are safe, but now Roberta has no idea who’s coming over to play. Luckily, she has post-its scattered all over her apartment reminding her of some of the times, activities, toys, and role-playing that her customers want. Help her figure out who’s coming over and when. Maybe she’ll give you a little reward!

1. Dirty Don (who doesn’t like nipple clamps) is scheduled to show up exactly 4.5 hours before Horny Harry. The client who loves the brutal lash of the cat o’nine tails is coming at 7:30.

2. Either Stinky Joe (who doesn’t have a policewoman fetish) or Rod the bod likes to have the waffled butt that only comes from being spanked with a tennis racquet. The customer who likes being covered in Cheese Whiz also enjoys being “shushed” by librarians.

3. Bent Jimmy is going to show up at some point before Dirty Don. Rod the bod fancies neither Wonder Woman nor policewomen.

4. The customer who buzzes to the frequency of Roberta’s vibrator will show up at 3:00. Stinky Joe will show up exactly three hours after the lapsed-Catholic customer with a nun fetish.