Monday, November 13, 2006

Logic Problem

So, my wife and I sometimes do logic problems for fun.

What, that's weird?

Well, then, so be it; it's weird. Anyway, I like logic problems. I get the same feeling from doing them that I get from completing a Sudoku puzzle. Actually, logic problems are a little more intense.

The trouble, though, is that the setups in logic problems tend to be a little too banal. Honestly, how excited can you get about figuring out the lineup for an imaginary television network, or the morning schedule for a dog-grooming company? Seriously, these are real logic problem setups.

So I decided to experiment with a more interesting scenario. I've included a form to help you plot it out. The first person to give me the correct answers will win the respect and adulation of millions and some sort of prize that I haven't figured out yet.

Rugged Roberta and Her Friends

It’s been a long time since Rugged Roberta worked the corners in Happytown, but she’s still in what she likes to call "the leisure industry." Now self-employed, she has an extensive client list, and caters to a wide array of interests. Unfortunately Greasy-Palmed Jake, her friendly neighborhood police sergeant, has seized her day planner and has told her that he won’t give it back unless she slips him 20% of her take. Roberta has no intention of paying; she’s not about to share her hard-earned cash with a wannabe pimp.

Everything was in code, so her clients are safe, but now Roberta has no idea who’s coming over to play. Luckily, she has post-its scattered all over her apartment reminding her of some of the times, activities, toys, and role-playing that her customers want. Help her figure out who’s coming over and when. Maybe she’ll give you a little reward!

1. Dirty Don (who doesn’t like nipple clamps) is scheduled to show up exactly 4.5 hours before Horny Harry. The client who loves the brutal lash of the cat o’nine tails is coming at 7:30.

2. Either Stinky Joe (who doesn’t have a policewoman fetish) or Rod the bod likes to have the waffled butt that only comes from being spanked with a tennis racquet. The customer who likes being covered in Cheese Whiz also enjoys being “shushed” by librarians.

3. Bent Jimmy is going to show up at some point before Dirty Don. Rod the bod fancies neither Wonder Woman nor policewomen.

4. The customer who buzzes to the frequency of Roberta’s vibrator will show up at 3:00. Stinky Joe will show up exactly three hours after the lapsed-Catholic customer with a nun fetish.

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  • It was Professor Plum in the Dungeon with the cat o' nine tails.

    By Blogger mist1, At November 13, 2006 at 12:21 PM  

  • Give me a crossword, scrabble or sudoku. This problem will make my head explode. oops. too late, I looked at your grid.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 13, 2006 at 12:59 PM  

  • I can't be bothered to work it out - just tell me when the DVD is released.


    By Blogger Glamourpuss, At November 13, 2006 at 4:12 PM  

  • None of them are coming over...I stole the book from wannabe pimp and I'm hosting a big gang bang for all of them at 10:30pm!

    By Blogger Nihilistic, At November 13, 2006 at 4:39 PM  

  • This is just....wrong. Word problems?? I think my head is going to explode. I'll have to head over to Nihilistic's and watch the show!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 13, 2006 at 5:14 PM  

  • I think you need more clues. Either that, or i'm just not very good at logic puzzles.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 13, 2006 at 5:25 PM  

  • I think its dirty don. or maybe the vibrator? I cant think straight feeling a little flushed here!..

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 13, 2006 at 6:13 PM  

  • Mist-
    Not quite, but you gave me an idea for the next one.

    A crossword, eh? Interesting idea.

    But who do we cast?

    And yet, I'm the sick one. You'd even have Bent Jimmy at your house?

    I can't help imagining passing this one along to my 10th grade geometry teacher, a former nun who used to give us tons of these things.

    It's all there. I made my sister and my wife do it, and they ended up with the same answers.

    Was the Cheese Whiz a step too far?

    By Blogger Crankster, At November 13, 2006 at 6:46 PM  

  • dude, cheez whiz is ALWAYS a step too far.

    By Blogger misanthropster, At November 13, 2006 at 7:10 PM  

  • The turtle swims at midnight. Duh.

    And I finally answered your tag.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 13, 2006 at 8:08 PM  

  • ah, got it now.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 13, 2006 at 8:13 PM  

  • Lee-
    And you say you're normal. You're the only person I know who could turn an ordinary, run-of-the-mill pornographic logic problem into a secret-passcode Prisoner flashback.

    Well done!

    e-mail me your results and claim the adulation that you so richly deserve!

    By Blogger Crankster, At November 13, 2006 at 9:28 PM  

  • I knew this would bug me until I'd worked it out. How do I send you the results? (I'm almost embarrassed to admit I sat down and puzzled it out).


    By Blogger Glamourpuss, At November 14, 2006 at 2:43 AM  

  • And by the way, the existential detectives of I Heart Huckabees were brilliant. Brilliant I tell you! ;)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 14, 2006 at 6:02 AM  

  • Puss-
    Of course you puzzled it out! Unless you're Rain Man, there's no other way. E-mail me the results at

    The idea was brilliant. The execution...not so much.

    What killed me is that I love Lily Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman!

    By Blogger Crankster, At November 14, 2006 at 11:02 AM  

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