Crankster

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Two More Profoundly Disturbing Sites

The first site, Life Gems is kind of nice. Apparently, Life Gems can take the carbon of your loved one and turn it into a beautiful diamond, a keepsake that you will remember forever. Of course, your loved one has to be dead first.

And, well, cremated.



The creepy thing is when you imagine Great Aunt Carol, a partially-completed tennis bracelet dangling from her wrist, pinching your cheek and saying "we need to fatten you up."



The second site, Man Beef, is a spoof that was taken off the web. However, I actually believed it for a while. It was so intricate, so beautifully explained that it sucked me in.

Once I realized that it was a joke, part of me tried to figure out how to make it a reality. Come on--is it really any worse than cremating your mom and wearing her around your neck?

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posted by Crankster at 6:40 PM

19 Comments:

  • I think when I die that would be a great thing to be made into. Don't know who would want to wear me other than my son. I would be terrified if I had to wear someone else because I would hate if I lost the stone or the whole ring.

    By Blogger C..., At November 21, 2006 at 10:25 PM  

  • Ick. If my kids EVER lock me into a stone, I will kick their butts!!!! And I mean it!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 21, 2006 at 11:01 PM  

  • I don’t like to think too much about it, but my mother intends to have her ashes mixed with concrete that will be molded into chunks of artificial reef. The chunks will be deposited along with many others at a designated location somewhere in the ocean. She likes the idea of becoming a condominium for sea creatures. Details here: http://www.eternalreefs.com/
    I think I will arrange to have myself buried in a sitting position at my potters wheel, or maybe at the dinner table, I’m ok with either scenario.

    By Blogger slaghammer, At November 22, 2006 at 1:31 AM  

  • If I were to kick the bucket tomorrow there is no way I would want to go into a gem of any sort.I dont know what way I would want to be 'taken care of' to be honest..
    Actually I heard an expression today when one of my co workers was describing someone who was a bit mean it went along the lines of 'that f*@$er will be buried standing up so the money does not fall out of his pockets'

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 22, 2006 at 2:11 AM  

  • I dont want one...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 22, 2006 at 2:23 AM  

  • I don't have time to die, it's not on my schedule. I'll have to get back to you on this one.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 22, 2006 at 2:23 AM  

  • Blogger beta is sucking again... "!" was me! Stacy/Nihilistic

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 22, 2006 at 2:25 AM  

  • i think eating...and then pooping out your mom is 4394934 times worse that pressing her into a stone...but maybe that's just me. ;)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 22, 2006 at 8:06 AM  

  • C-
    Yeah, it's bad enough when you lose any diamond. It would be so much worse if it was your mom.


    Olives-
    I'll go one better: imagine one of your kids locking you in a stone and then using you as an engagement ring. For a woman you hated.

    Mwahahahahaha.


    Slaghammer-
    The artificial reef idea is really cool. I'll have to look into it. Personally, I like the idea of a simple pine box followed by decomposition.


    Judith-
    What a great phrase! I think the worst way would be the method my father's parents chose--underground vault, vacuum-sealed caskets, etc. They'll be anaerobically rotting for the remainder of eternity.


    Nihilistic-
    Come on! Gramma would make a great pair of cufflinks!


    CEO-
    Take your time!


    Lee-
    I don't know. I read a lot about endomorphic cannibalism, and the idea is that mom will be a part of you always. Granted, it's not really my thing, but I can appreciate the sentiment.

    By Blogger Crankster, At November 22, 2006 at 10:34 AM  

  • I was thinking about being mummified, but now I'm reconsidering that choice.

    By Blogger mist1, At November 22, 2006 at 11:36 AM  

  • So I just went to manbeef(dot)com. Not what I expected.

    By Blogger mist1, At November 22, 2006 at 11:38 AM  

  • I don't think it's for me...the diamond or the beef....I'd rather have my ashes buried under a giant sequoia tree and become part of nature...
    Peace!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 22, 2006 at 2:54 PM  

  • Mist-
    Be honest--you're thinking about becoming a diamond, aren't you?

    Me, I'd rather be a sapphire, but that's pretty unlikely.


    Odat-
    I'm with you. The idea of dissolving into nature is pretty cool.

    By Blogger Crankster, At November 22, 2006 at 4:17 PM  

  • oh...wow that manbeef just made me nauseous. As for the jewelry, why not just take a tooth or something and have it mounted. Now that's authentic!! :)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 22, 2006 at 5:34 PM  

  • Claudia-
    Or a spleen. A spleen would be great, and it would go with a lot of different looks.

    Maybe you're right. A tooth would be better.

    By Blogger Crankster, At November 22, 2006 at 11:43 PM  

  • So, would I be a diamond in the rough? And my little diamond earrings are really dead people?

    This all makes being scattered at sea sound so mundane. I'll have to rethink everything now.

    By Blogger heartinsanfrancisco, At November 25, 2006 at 3:05 AM  

  • Hearts-
    Someone talked about being mixed in with concrete and used to form an artificial reef. I thought that sounded like the coolest thing ever.

    By Blogger Crankster, At November 25, 2006 at 6:12 PM  

  • LifeGems: jewelry made from your dead loved one? Ewwww!!! I think a person would have to stay up very late for a lot of nights in a row, brainwashing yourself with a steady stream of cold-war horror flicks and "info-mercials" and televangelists in order to come up with anything more grotesque...
    Thanks for sharing! :-) Jen

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 27, 2006 at 2:31 PM  

  • Jen-
    Love the checklist! What a list of images!

    Thanks for stopping by.

    By Blogger Crankster, At November 27, 2006 at 4:44 PM  

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