Kermie, the Untold Story

Warning: Although this post begins with relatively harmless reminiscence, it ends with a muppet in a compromising position. To put it mildly, there are things that one cannot un-see. If you will regret seeing Kermit the Frog delving into the depths of amphibious depravity, turn back now. I promise, I'll put something a little more PG up tomorrow!

When I was in third grade, I got in a fight with a couple of other kids. I was never a very good fighter, and a combination of punches, a curb, and my natural lack of coordination led to my first broken nose. Overall, the broken nose has never really bothered me. In fact, when I was a freshman in college, it was a combination of this broken nose and a modest talent for mimicry that gave me my best party trick: a fairly accurate rendering of Kermit the frog.

My friend Julie particularly loved the Kermie voice, and I could usually count on it to send her collapsing into hysterics whenever we were drinking. Of course, I rarely limited myself to straight imitation, and would often describe the most awful crimes against taste and propriety while using the Kermit voice.

I've always found the essential disconnect between innocence and depravity to be the most amazing, shocking, and even funny thing in the world. It's amusing when Sam Kinnison makes scatological jokes. It's hilarious when Mickey Mouse does it.

At any rate, Julie recently sent me a video of Kermit singing the Trent Reznor cum Johnny Cash lament "Hurt." If you have not seen the Cash version of this song, it's necessary reading for the Kermit video. Here's Johnny:



And, if you want the whole story, here's the Nine Inch Nails version:



And now, Ladies and Gentleman, Sad Kermit: