Monday, April 02, 2007

Kermie, the Untold Story

Warning: Although this post begins with relatively harmless reminiscence, it ends with a muppet in a compromising position. To put it mildly, there are things that one cannot un-see. If you will regret seeing Kermit the Frog delving into the depths of amphibious depravity, turn back now. I promise, I'll put something a little more PG up tomorrow!

When I was in third grade, I got in a fight with a couple of other kids. I was never a very good fighter, and a combination of punches, a curb, and my natural lack of coordination led to my first broken nose. Overall, the broken nose has never really bothered me. In fact, when I was a freshman in college, it was a combination of this broken nose and a modest talent for mimicry that gave me my best party trick: a fairly accurate rendering of Kermit the frog.

My friend Julie particularly loved the Kermie voice, and I could usually count on it to send her collapsing into hysterics whenever we were drinking. Of course, I rarely limited myself to straight imitation, and would often describe the most awful crimes against taste and propriety while using the Kermit voice.

I've always found the essential disconnect between innocence and depravity to be the most amazing, shocking, and even funny thing in the world. It's amusing when Sam Kinnison makes scatological jokes. It's hilarious when Mickey Mouse does it.

At any rate, Julie recently sent me a video of Kermit singing the Trent Reznor cum Johnny Cash lament "Hurt." If you have not seen the Cash version of this song, it's necessary reading for the Kermit video. Here's Johnny:

And, if you want the whole story, here's the Nine Inch Nails version:

And now, Ladies and Gentleman, Sad Kermit:

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  • for some reason I always assumed Fozzy Bear would be the one to go this way. But I guess he's just not as poetic as Kermit. Um, your right, there are visuals you can't unsee - Kermit wacking off is one of them.

    By Blogger Pickled Olives, At April 2, 2007 at 9:08 AM  

  • I like how Kermit likes a gal w/ curves.... ahem.

    By Blogger Matt, At April 2, 2007 at 10:30 AM  

  • I havent seen it yet as Im still on dial up at work, when I go home to the land of broadband I'll still be debating as to watch kermit wacking off?? My kids have just got 2 muppet show dvds (the classic ones) and are very much impressed with them can I handle such depraved images whilst my young un's giggle at kermit, fozzie and the mad bomber?? Ill get back to you on that...

    By Blogger Judith, At April 2, 2007 at 11:16 AM  

  • Olives-
    Rolf the dog got me. Sometimes I get the feeling that Gonzo's been there and lived to tell the tale...

    You can't fault the frog's taste!

    To quote Pulp Fiction, "you'd dig it most of all!"

    By Blogger Crankster, At April 2, 2007 at 12:39 PM  

  • First the avenging Kikkoman now a junky Kermit.

    What's next...

    By Blogger Danielle, At April 2, 2007 at 1:31 PM  

  • ok Crankster you where right! I did dig it the most *grin* I loved the attention to detail, saucy little picture of Piggy flashing the nipple . The spiders in the toilet and the haunting image of rolf has made more of an impact on me then kermit shooting up; an outstanding albeit disturbing find my friend!

    By Blogger Judith, At April 2, 2007 at 5:39 PM  

  • Ohmygod - Rowlf!

    Right up till then I was giggling.

    By Blogger monicker, At April 2, 2007 at 8:53 PM  

  • Danielle-
    I'm not sure I can top Kermit the Junkie!

    I'm so glad you caught all those little details. Whoever made this video is a genius!

    Rowlf was your favorite, too? Yeah, that was the part of the video where I started to really lose it.

    By Blogger Crankster, At April 2, 2007 at 11:22 PM  

  • Was I on the same planet with the rest of you? Or did I have too much to drink at Passover?

    By Blogger The CEO, At April 3, 2007 at 12:13 AM  

  • Great presentation, sick, but a weird sorta way!!

    By Blogger Odat, At April 3, 2007 at 9:07 AM  

  • Too funny!! LMAO!!

    By Blogger Claudia, At April 3, 2007 at 12:28 PM  

  • Oh NO!! Kermie!?!?!?

    By Blogger Lex, At April 3, 2007 at 9:00 PM  

  • CEO-
    Isn't it insane?

    I'm glad you got the greatness. I was worried that it might be a little bit...much.

    A smoking frog. And it goes from there!

    I know. You always expected that this would happen to Scooter, didn't you?

    By Blogger Crankster, At April 3, 2007 at 10:41 PM  

  • The Cash video is one of my faves - profoundly moving. Kermit sucking off that dog? Profoundly disturbing...

    I need chocolate. Thanks God it's Easter.


    By Blogger Glamourpuss, At April 6, 2007 at 1:20 PM  

  • Chocolate heals everything.

    By Blogger Crankster, At April 6, 2007 at 4:37 PM  

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