Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Avenging Soy Sauce

I'm sure that all of you have seen this, but I think we need to revisit the Soy Planet:

In case you're wondering what the hell's going on, here's a slightly different version with English subtitles:

I'm not sure if I'm impressed or repulsed by this. Regardless, it makes me wonder about Japanese culture. On the one hand, I wish that all my sauces had superheros to represent them. Ketchup man, Mustard Lad, The Relishinator...

The options are endless. I wonder if Peanut Butter would be a man or a woman.

At any rate, though, Kikkoman seems a little oddly homoerotic. Added to this, there's the strange details:

1. Apparently Kikkoman has a little sauce posse. However, his tendency to put them in harm's way apparently means that he needs to exact revenge for the death of his sauce buddies. Maybe he shouldn't use them as human shields in the first place?

2. Why does Kikkoman wear a huge diaper? Why does he dry-hump that huge flying fish? Why does he have a fish head?

3. Soy sauce clears up acne? Who knew!

4. Making kitty cats commit suicide is NOT COOL!

5. I like soy sauce and all, but I have to draw the line at condiments that have sex with underage-looking female superheroes. I know, I know...I'm a total prude.

Like I said, I've now got an attraction/repulsion thing going on with Japanese culture. I originally thought this was a joke, but my friend John did some digging (actually, he talked to a transplanted Japanese woman), and discovered that this is real.

One thing's for sure. I don't want to piss off Kikkoman.

If, by some strange coincidence, you find me hanging, you'll know who to blame.

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  • Peanut Butter? Crunchy is definitely male and Smooth is female - all unctious and creamy thighed.


    By Blogger Glamourpuss, At March 28, 2007 at 10:38 AM  

  • Cracker,

    It is projected that by 2020 one-third of the Japanese population will be comprised of robots.

    I find this disturbing.

    By Blogger Matt, At March 28, 2007 at 11:30 AM  

  • I think he's prolly wearing a daiper cuz he's a sumo, dontcha think? And fish is notoriously improved by soysauce, especially fried up with a lil ginger. I LOVED this, but then again, I will only use Kikkoman myself...but not on those popsicles at the end. Hysterical. Must share.

    By Blogger Lee, At March 28, 2007 at 11:43 AM  

  • very disturbing. Never thought about how I like my super hero. But I can say I don't like them in bed with kids.

    By Blogger Pickled Olives, At March 28, 2007 at 1:08 PM  

  • Kikkoman is going to punch out my foreign ketchup with his unnecessary muscles? Oh, no!

    By Blogger monicker, At March 28, 2007 at 2:51 PM  

  • I held it until the shot with Kikkoman and the chick? in bed. I can't even comment laughing to o hard.

    By Blogger Danielle, At March 28, 2007 at 3:58 PM  

  • Puss-
    I don't know--Maybe crunchy is female, too. You know, sort of a hippie type?

    Depending on your definition of "robot," we might be there already.

    Can you imagine the sequel? Using Kikkoman to lubricate a car, drown a villain, fertilize grass, seed clouds...

    I agree completely, unless you're talking about "Pedophilia Man."

    In which case, it's completely okay, right?

    You gotta love the little nationalistic dig, don't you. "Destroy all foreign sauces!"

    What is it about Soy Sauce, fish heads, and statutory that is so damn funny. I'm right there with you.

    Thanks for dropping in!

    By Blogger Crankster, At March 28, 2007 at 5:01 PM  

  • Crankster,

    Sadly, I was unable to find the e-mail from Japanese friend S- explaining all the details.

    However, I can proffer this: the fish head is a children's/lunch-size soy sauce container; I got one with my sushi at the cafeteria in the UN's International Village in Vienna. The hanging cat was executed by Kikkoman for doubting the greatness of Kikkoman soy sauce. Kikkoman takes the cigarette from the "surly unhealthy boy" and, employing the curative powers of Kikkoman soy sauce, transforms him into "the good boy with bright gleaming eyes" -- my [poor] memory of S-'s translation.

    Hope this helps.

    By Anonymous John, At March 28, 2007 at 7:48 PM  

  • Kikkoman is the ONLY soy to use with your sushi and sashimi. You certainly wouldn't use Heinz. Welcome back. Now I have no excuses not to start writing.

    By Blogger The CEO, At March 28, 2007 at 11:56 PM  

  • i'll be singing Kikkoman all day at work.....
    Scary tho.....poor kitty!
    I like Teriyaki sauce better...
    I think that would be female...and fashionably dressed!

    By Blogger Odat, At March 29, 2007 at 5:29 AM  

  • Man, checked back today for some more of what you got and couldn't resist the goodness of Kikkoman again.

    By Blogger Danielle, At March 29, 2007 at 4:31 PM  

  • Oh, good that you are back! Hope family is doing good.

    Kikkoman IS homoerotic. If only they replace that fish-head, it would complete the picture.

    By Blogger ramo, At March 30, 2007 at 2:50 AM  

  • yknow what I reckon? Kikkoman would get the glue punched out of him by a bottle pf HP Sauce!

    By Blogger Judith, At March 30, 2007 at 5:53 PM  

  • That is the craziest thing I have ever seen--and even stranger, who puts soy sauce on an omelette??

    By Blogger Let's Pretend, At March 30, 2007 at 9:11 PM  

  • The girl in bed with Kikkoman appears to be a blow-up sex doll. Also, for some reason there is a nipple on the front of his motorcycle and he has the ability to shoot blood from a carbuncle on his chest. WTF!

    By Blogger slaghammer, At March 31, 2007 at 6:09 PM  

  • do you think they might have been inspired by Dr. Demento's Fishheads??? LOL

    By Blogger Claudia, At March 31, 2007 at 6:35 PM  

  • John-
    Thanks. I think it helped as much as anything can.

    Good to see you again. Personally, I'm not sure about soy sauce with eggs.

    You're absolutely right--Teriyaki would have a high collar, sleeveless red dress.

    I know what you mean. I keep getting drawn in, too.

    Maybe he's a tri-sexual (as in, try anything...).

    I don't know--on the ultimate scheme, I tried a Mexican salsa last night and it kicked my ass. Perhaps we've met HPs match?

    Let's Pretend-
    I'm right there with you! Soy Sauce on an omelet?!?

    I'm starting to think that there might be irreconcilable reality differences between the Japanese and us.

    What a cool idea! And thanks for the reminder.

    By Blogger Crankster, At March 31, 2007 at 11:59 PM  

  • it took me days to get rid of the annoying Kikkoman sone and what happens? I revisit you page for updates and it comes back to haunt me with a cringing lilt

    By Blogger Judith, At April 1, 2007 at 8:38 AM  

  • *song* Id just like to state for the record I HATE this keyboard that Im using (clicks 'post a comment' and promptly bounces it off the wall)

    By Blogger Judith, At April 1, 2007 at 8:41 AM  

  • I just removed Japan from my list of possible travel destinations. Do you think it's the radiation from the bomb we dropped on them, or were they always very strange?
    Why do all the humans in the ads look like Americans? Is the cube head tofu? Do they put soy sauce on bananas? Are we as confusing to them as they are to us? How are we going to deal with other sentient life in the universe if we can't even understand the Japanese? Arguh!

    By Blogger Spellbound, At April 1, 2007 at 6:09 PM  

  • Jude-
    I know! Isn't the Kikkoman song a hell of an earwig.

    Hee hee hee...

    A few friends of mine lived there for a while. Atrocities like "lime flavored cheese" and subsidized whale-blubber school lunches disturbed them deeply.

    By Blogger Crankster, At April 1, 2007 at 9:30 PM  

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