On a Lighter Note...

When I was a kid, I spent more time in front of the TV than your average monkey spends masturbating.

Actually, that's not a terrifically inappropriate comparison...

At any rate, the late 70's and 80's were a great time to be a slave to the tube. Not only were there great shows like Wonder Woman, Fantasy Island, The Six Million Dollar Man, and, well, Wonder Woman, but there were also the early forerunners of reality TV. No, I'm not talking about those boring sociology experiments on PBS.

I'm talking about Battle of the Network Stars.


One of the great blessings of my childhood was the willingness of my heroes to make asses of themselves in front of millions of viewers. In shows like Battle of the Network Stars and Circus of the Stars, relatively famous TV actors would show off their total lack of athletic skills in a wide variety of wonderful ways.

Feel the delightful, joyous badness: "Wonder Woman" Lynda Carter swimming against Adrienne Barbeau and Karen "Caroline Ingalls" Grassle from Little House on the Prairie. How about Robert Hegyes, who played "Epstein" on Welcome Back, Kotter racing Jimmy "Dy-no-mite" Walker?

Best of all, Howard Cosell did the announcing. Here's a clip:


I'd forgotten how much Gabe Kaplan resembled Ron Jeremy!

At any rate, you can feel the wonder, can't you?

It's impossible to imagine television actors doing this today. At the very least, they'd have to change the events to things like competitive starvation, running from the police, and recreational drug abuse. And I wonder if today's stars would be confident enough to make total asses out of themselves at the height of their fame.

I'd especially like to see something like this:


Coq Au Vin or no Coq Au Vin, it was a kinder, gentler time...