A Sheep and a Tennis Player Walk Into a Leather Bar...

In And the Band Played On..., Randy Shilts documented the first few years of the AIDS crisis. He noted that one of the major impediments to research was the gay community's firmly-held belief that they were constantly threatened by mainstream society. In fact, many activists apparently believed that public registration, labeling, and even containment facilities for gays were real possibilities.

I always thought that Shilts was overestimating the fears of the community. After all, even in Reagan's America, the idea of concentration camps was farfetched. However, after the events of the last month, I no longer have the slightest question that he was correct.

The Week recently ran an article about "curing" gay sheep. Scientists in Oregon have discovered that between five and eight percent of adult male sheep "engage exclusively in ram-on-ram action." The gay community's initial response was to laud the Oregon team for demonstrating that homosexuality is not merely a human "aberration," but rather a natural phenomenon, observable in other species. However, the scientists soon discovered that gay rams could be made to prefer ewes if the testosterone levels in their brains were adjusted.


Gay activists responded with reactionary terror. Fearing that similar techniques could be used to eradicate human homosexuality, many rushed to attack the research. Perhaps the most interesting statement came from Martina Navratilova, who stated that sheep have "a right to be gay."

Okay, just to be clear here, we're talking about sheep. Is it me, or does it seem a little strange to be discussing the rights of an animal that is bred for the purpose of providing leather, sweaters, and a yummy Easter meal?

I wonder if the gay ones taste different? I imagine that their abs are ripped.

This seems like over-identification. I can understand demanding respect for one's gay dog or cat. But sheep? As anyone whose ever driven in Scotland can attest, it's hard to imagine an animal stupider than the average sheep. There's a reason that mindless followers are sometimes referred to as "sheep," the word "sheepish" denotes embarrassment, and the phrase "wooly thinking" suggests a lack of intelligence.

Speaking of wooly thinking, have you heard the one about the former tennis star who demanded equal respect for gay sheep?

I understand the desire to protect one's subculture, and America's record with regard to its homosexuals has been far from exemplary. However, this reflexive fear of obliteration really does little to help the gay community. Not only does it lend a shrill, humorless tone to their rhetoric, but the tendency to see anti-gay boogymen in every corner makes them seem hysterical. It's ironic that people who are identifying with sheep should be so quick to cry wolf.