Nine Weird Things About Myself

Okay, I'll just admit it--I got my wife's help with this meme. When Hearts in San Francisco tagged me, I freaked out a little. After all, I think I'm pretty normal. Honestly, is it weird to spend all your time drawing pictures of Bea Arthur on your naked legs while listening to old Roger Whittaker albums? Is it strange to steal pebbles from your neighbors' driveways while dressed like a Jawa? Is it odd to cover your body in Thai peanut sauce and dance the tango with a half-wild ferret named "John Ehrlichman"?

I didn't think so, either.

So, anyway, here are nine things that my wife and I agreed are at least moderately weird.

1. I xeroxed my butt on the House of Commons copying machine. I was working as a legislative assistant to an MP in the House of Commons, and tended to get a little obsessive about work, so I often stayed in my office long after everyone else had left. One evening, while doing some xeroxing, I decided that I would never again have the opportunity, so...what the hell. I finally lost the xerox copy a few years ago.

2. When I was 21, I became my little sister's legal guardian and raised her until I was 30. My mother died when I was 20, and my father died when I was 21. One of his last requests was that I take care of my sister, so I agreed to do so. Over the next nine years, I had the honor, and the joy, of helping her develop into a confident and brilliant young woman. This year, she graduated Summa Cum Laude from the art school at Virginia Commonwealth University.

3. According to my wife, I'm obsessive about q-tip usage. I don't think this is particularly true, although her evidence is pretty compelling. I just tend to get a little upset when we run out of q-tips. Or when people buy off-brand q-tips. Or when people touch my q-tips. With their grubby, q-tip stealing fingers.

4. In High School, I seriously contemplated becoming a priest. I liked the idea of a life of the mind and the spirit, and the priesthood seemed like a pretty good gig. I particularly enjoyed the idea of counseling people. I ultimately decided against it because, even at 15, my incredibly strong arm muscles indicated that celibacy was not for me.

5. I taught myself Polish. I had a little thing with a Polish woman, and I started studying Polish so we could better communicate. When the relationship folded, I kept working on the language because I was totally hooked. Later, when my girlfriend and I traveled to Poland, my linguistic (and lingual) abilities came in handy. I proposed to her on that trip. My Polish is a little rusty now, but my mind still vomits up the occasional word or phrase.

6. I really, really like "evil children" movies. I don't even want to think about why this is, but The Exorcist is one of my favorite films, and Children of the Corn, Village of the Damned, The Omen, and The Ring all still have some power over me. There's something about evil children that just really scares me to death.

7. I will drive twenty miles out of my way to go to a private, or family-owned restaurant. I get especially excited if they have something really odd on the menu, like butterscotch pie, grape-nut custard, peanut soup, and so on. I usually try to buy t-shirts from these restaurants, even though I don't wear t-shirts. I also make a point of avoiding hotel chains as much as possible. Although privately-owned restaurants and hotels are sometimes not as polished as their chain counterparts, there's something homey about them that makes me seek them out.

8. I love religious horror movies. Okay, I know that this one's closely related to the "evil children" movies, but I'd argue that it's different enough to warrant its own number. I love movies about demons, Satan, and so on. I even enjoy the crappy ones, like End of Days, Stigmata, Exorcist II: the Heretic, and so on. In general, I'm really interested in people's views of the end of the world and of morality in general.


9. I'm obsessed with the Holocaust. I've studied it in school, read extensively on it, and have traveled to several Holocaust sites. Part of my obsession is probably because my mother was Jewish, but that really doesn't get to the heart of it. I think I'm most intrigued by the intellectual gymnastics that otherwise sane people went through in order to become capable of mass murder. After all my research and travel, I still can hardly believe, much less comprehend, the fact of this.



I'm tagging Lee, the CEO, and Parlancheq with this one. You're on, lady and gentlemen.