Maybe a little too dark...
Nota Bene: So I decided to write a Walletpop post about saving money on funerals. However, my wife argued that this was more ideally suited to my blog. Having organized my parents' funerals, I discovered fairly early on that dark humor was my way of getting through the tough times. However, the wife thought that this seemed seemed a little insensitive. Looking over it again, I think that maybe she was right. If graveyard humor (combined with money-saving tips) is not your cup of tea, please hold off on this one--I promise to post something new within a day or two.
In 1963, Jessica Mitford wrote The American Way of Death, an expose of the funeral industry. In her book, she examined the numerous ways that undertakers worked to squeeze pennies out of families, methods ranging from price-gouging on caskets to miscellaneous charges, to selling coffins that were too small and cutting off the corpses' feet to fit.
Well, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Although many of Mrs. Mitford's criticisms were taken to heart, funerals are still obscenely expensive, and funeral homes charge premium prices for everything from astroturf rental to flower transport to dressing the body. If you're an orthodox Jew, things are looking bright, because of the religious restrictions against embalming and caskets with metal, but for the rest of us, funerals are one of those things that you should probably start planning for now.
However, even in this most final of ceremonies, there is room to save and personalize. I'm not talking about extreme ideas, like doing your own embalming or holding the wake in your family playroom. After all, embalming takes years to master, and nothing kills a party like...well, you see where I'm going. However, there are little things that can make a huge difference.
For example, if you're working on a funeral, you might ask family members and friends to hold off on the flowers. Apart from the fact that these "floral tributes" cost a fortune, you will also be responsible for trucking them out to the cemetery. In all likelihood, you will probably end up subcontracting this out to the funeral home, who will do so at a premium. Instead of having your loved ones invest in flowers that you will neither enjoy nor keep, you could suggest a good cause for them to donate the money to, or request that they simply show their love by being there for the service. While we're on the subject, you might want to shop for a cemetery that doesn't require underground vaults. In addition to interfering with the natural decomposition of your body, these monstrosities massively add to the cost of your funeral.
You also might consider making your own casket. This is a great way to save money, get in touch with your worries about death, and build an awesome piece of furniture. Also, it will save you a lot of money. Even discount coffin companies (yes, they do exist!) charge $700 and up, and prices can go well over $20,000. Let's face it, that's a lot of money to shell out for something that you're only going to use once!
Essentially, a casket is nothing more than a wooden box, approximately six feet long, and about 12"-18" square. Depending on how you accessorize it, it can make a great bookcase, an oversize coffee table, a large hope chest, or even an entertainment center. While you can create something much more elaborate, this can also be a very simple carpentry project. In addition to several kits, MHP Caskets carries a wide selection of casket plans at very reasonable prices. If you want something a little more elaborate and fun, you might take a peek at Casket Furniture. In addition to a wide variety of kits, they also offer some truly fantastic pieces, including a casket coffee table, a casket phone booth, and casket sofas. Granted, most of these items are aimed at the Goth market, but they are available in beautifully-finished light wood, which means they'll blend well with all your Ikea furniture. Best of all, you'll always be prepared for a visit from your in-laws...or the grim reaper!
In 1963, Jessica Mitford wrote The American Way of Death, an expose of the funeral industry. In her book, she examined the numerous ways that undertakers worked to squeeze pennies out of families, methods ranging from price-gouging on caskets to miscellaneous charges, to selling coffins that were too small and cutting off the corpses' feet to fit.
Well, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Although many of Mrs. Mitford's criticisms were taken to heart, funerals are still obscenely expensive, and funeral homes charge premium prices for everything from astroturf rental to flower transport to dressing the body. If you're an orthodox Jew, things are looking bright, because of the religious restrictions against embalming and caskets with metal, but for the rest of us, funerals are one of those things that you should probably start planning for now.
However, even in this most final of ceremonies, there is room to save and personalize. I'm not talking about extreme ideas, like doing your own embalming or holding the wake in your family playroom. After all, embalming takes years to master, and nothing kills a party like...well, you see where I'm going. However, there are little things that can make a huge difference.
For example, if you're working on a funeral, you might ask family members and friends to hold off on the flowers. Apart from the fact that these "floral tributes" cost a fortune, you will also be responsible for trucking them out to the cemetery. In all likelihood, you will probably end up subcontracting this out to the funeral home, who will do so at a premium. Instead of having your loved ones invest in flowers that you will neither enjoy nor keep, you could suggest a good cause for them to donate the money to, or request that they simply show their love by being there for the service. While we're on the subject, you might want to shop for a cemetery that doesn't require underground vaults. In addition to interfering with the natural decomposition of your body, these monstrosities massively add to the cost of your funeral.
You also might consider making your own casket. This is a great way to save money, get in touch with your worries about death, and build an awesome piece of furniture. Also, it will save you a lot of money. Even discount coffin companies (yes, they do exist!) charge $700 and up, and prices can go well over $20,000. Let's face it, that's a lot of money to shell out for something that you're only going to use once!
Essentially, a casket is nothing more than a wooden box, approximately six feet long, and about 12"-18" square. Depending on how you accessorize it, it can make a great bookcase, an oversize coffee table, a large hope chest, or even an entertainment center. While you can create something much more elaborate, this can also be a very simple carpentry project. In addition to several kits, MHP Caskets carries a wide selection of casket plans at very reasonable prices. If you want something a little more elaborate and fun, you might take a peek at Casket Furniture. In addition to a wide variety of kits, they also offer some truly fantastic pieces, including a casket coffee table, a casket phone booth, and casket sofas. Granted, most of these items are aimed at the Goth market, but they are available in beautifully-finished light wood, which means they'll blend well with all your Ikea furniture. Best of all, you'll always be prepared for a visit from your in-laws...or the grim reaper!
Labels: carpentry, dark humor, funerals, furniture, Walletpop
posted by Crankster at
11:19 PM
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