Gotta Love the Kiddies

Once again, The Week is to blame for getting me in a really bad mood.

On December 15, they quoted an article by Boris Johnson, a Minister of Parliament and occasional columnist for The Telegraph newspaper. Apparently, Johnson was stuck next to two bratty kids on a trip to India when a stewardess politely asked him to follow her to another seat. Excited, Johnson prepared to leave, eagerly anticipating an upgrade and a little peace and quiet. However, as the stewardess soon pointed out, they were merely moving him to another row, as British Airways has "very strict rules" about allowing adult males to accompany children on flights. After all, adult males are sexual predators, and we can't allow them to do anything with children unless they're accompanied by a woman. Still, Johnson, thought, it would be nice to get a little peace and quiet, so he prepared to follow the stewardess.

The whole thing fell through when one of the kids told the stewardess "But he's our father!"

My initial response to this situation was to fall out of my chair, laughing. To begin with, we have a father trying to escape his kids and being thwarted at the last minute by the little monsters. And then, of course, there's the fact that the English, in their gratingly polite way, can sometimes be a little overly sensitive. I mean, really, who wanders through a plane making sure that children aren't seated next to unattended men?

Finally, of course, who wouldn't want a little more peace and quiet on a long flight?

But, ultimately, this isn't really that funny. First off, the fact that society increasingly seems to view men as presumptive sexual predators, without any corroborating evidence, is terrifying. And, as much as we might chalk this up to silly English paranoia, is it really different from the message that every university sends out to female students during orientation?

True story: I once found myself hanging out with a girl who was dating a friend of mine. She and I had drank a couple of beers, and she was telling me about the problems with her relationship. From his perspective, the problem was that he couldn't trust her. From her perspective, the problem was that she had been raped twice, and he hadn't been supportive.

My initial response was to despise my friend. A surprisingly large number of the women I dated in my youth were survivors of rape, and I personally advocate castration and disembowelment as a punishment for rapists. I am only slightly more generously inclined toward men who date rape survivors. As far as I'm concerned, if you date a girl who has been raped, it's your absolute responsibility to introduce her, as gently as possible, to the world of sweet, consensual lovin'. Any failure to do so, and you're the scum of the earth.

However, as I soon discovered, I only had half the story. I was a little disturbed by how cavalierly the woman discussed her rapes. In my experience, this information is usually imparted somberly, with a great deal of reticence. She told me about it as she leaned back, sipping her beer. Something wasn't quite kosher. When I asked her for further information, she told me that both her rapes had occurred at social occasions. After a little more discussion, the truth came clear: she had engaged in consensual intercourse after drinking beer. Later, she had decided that her actions, which most of us would call "cheating on her boyfriend," had actually been rape.

Shortly after telling me this, she finished her beer.

A few minutes later, she told me that she'd always thought I was hot.

Not long after that, I showed her to the door.

I have three sisters, a daughter, and a wife; no one has to tell me that there are bad men out there. Although we've been fortunate overall, there have been enough little disasters for me to realize that bad things happen to people, and that, all too often, evil men make these things happen. However, this notion that men are fundamentally oppressors and women are fundamentally victims is absolutely wrong. Not only does it ignore the basic decency of the vast majority of men, but it is also supremely misogynistic; it denies the evil that women possess and robs them of their endless potential. As a true feminist, I respect the ability of women to do everything that men do. Including rape, murder, child molestation, treason, military service, and welding.

God, I loved Flashdance.