Gathering My Scattered Pieces

At about 5:00 this morning, my wife brought my daughter into our bed. The kid was in no mood to sleep, so she kept kicking me and laying her ice-cold feet in the middle of my back. By the time I got her to doze off, my alarm was blaring. I hit snooze a few times, but ultimately had to face the cruel truth that it was time to get up.

I was running a little late, but found myself unable to get really motivated. I mixed a big mug of Nescafe Cafe con Leche with enough sugar to put some steel in my spine. Starting to get energized, I took my vitamins, chugged a glass of psyllium husks, checked my e-mail, and put in my contact lenses.

By this time, my wife had gotten fed up with my daughter and had fobbed her off on my sister, who was sleeping downstairs. This lasted for about fifteen minutes before my sister came upstairs, ready to start the day. Usually, I have to drag her out of bed to drive me to work; today, she was leading me around the house. With her help, I gathered my watch, my pedometer, my cell phone, my breakfast, and all the papers that I need to grade.

As I was leaving the house, caught in that dreamy space where reality has soft edges and the caffeine still hasn't kicked in, I thought about all the things that I needed to eat, do, gather, and check before I could leave the house. I thought about the cell phone that I use to keep track of time and keep in touch with my family, the pedometer that I wear so I can obsess about my health, the contact lenses that help me see, the vitamins that keep me healthy, and the caffeine that gets me going on some mornings. I considered my huge, ugly toggle coat that keeps me warm now that Fall is starting to kick in, the breakfast that gives me energy, and the e-mail that connects me to everyone in my life.

I wondered where I end and these other things begin. I can't function without my health, my eyesight, or my food, so can I really claim to exist separately from my vitamins, my breakfast, or my contacts? How about my coat or my cafe con leche? Part of me is in Massachusetts when my aunt reads a message I sent her. Part of me is wherever you are right now.

Maybe this morning routine of picking up all the things for the day is really just a matter of gathering my scattered pieces.