Happy New Year!

Please excuse my silence over the last few weeks. I could offer all sorts of excuses, but I won't. You, my loyal readers, deserve the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And now, without shame or hesitancy, I will give it to you:

I was locked in a life-and-death struggle with 2007.

I imagine that this seems to be a joke; on some levels it is. However, there is more than a grain of honesty here. Over the course of the last year, I have had a car stolen, have lost a pet, have been in lockdown in my office because of a crazed gunman, have dealt with stark poverty, and have had to deal with dozens of smaller (albeit equally challenging) setbacks. Frankly, somewhere around the middle of September, it occurred to me that 2007 was doing its absolute best to kill me. I can laugh about it now, having emerged as the clear victor in this power struggle, but it was a pretty disturbing realization, particularly given that I then had to survive for another three and a half months.

Actually, to be honest, I laughed about it in September. Still, on some level, I believed that it was true. And, as every month offered its own surprise disaster, each of which nearly bankrupted us, I started to wonder if my September joke was really all that funny. Still, up until December, I was pretty healthy, and was able to laugh off my own suspicions about the evil plans of 2007. Then, on Christmas Eve, as the year wound to its close and the finish line was in sight, I picked up a brutal little virus that, in the words of Monty Python, opened the sluice gates at both ends. I initially thought that it was food poisoning, and spent most of Christmas day lying in bed and groaning, in between hurried visits to the bathroom. The 26th was better and, by the 27th, I was feeling healthy enough to return to work. Then, on the 29, I got a return of the nasty stomach bug and ran back to the bedroom. As the days went on and I was reduced to a diet of bananas and applesauce, I wondered if 2007 was, indeed, going to get the better of me. On Sunday, just as I was almost beyond caring, I rallied, and was once again able to eat solid food and walk more than a few steps without collapsing from exhaustion.

I'm now feeling a lot better. George, the wife, and I rang out the old year with our wonderful friends Jen and Joey, who were visiting from California. We visited Totonno's pizzeria, chasing the transcendent pizza with some wonderfully nasty Chinese food, locally-brewed beer, and copious amounts of champagne. Feeling flush with my victory over 2007 (and more than a little buoyed by the bubbly), I decided to dance on the grave of the last year, and stood outside the front door with my wife and friends, yelling "Feliz Ano Nuevo, Bitches!" to the world at large. As the salsa music blared and our victorious yells echoed from the tenements around us, I said a silent prayer of thanks for my survival, not to mention the fact that my neighbors were kind enough to refrain from shooting at us.

Today I awoke feeling downright bouncy. I ran all over the neighborhood, picking up breakfast items for the people in my house and generally enjoying the fact that I had survived to see 2008. I have no doubt that this will be a better year than the last, and I hope that your new year is as wonderful as mine!

Happy New Year,

Crankster