Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Year!

Please excuse my silence over the last few weeks. I could offer all sorts of excuses, but I won't. You, my loyal readers, deserve the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And now, without shame or hesitancy, I will give it to you:

I was locked in a life-and-death struggle with 2007.

I imagine that this seems to be a joke; on some levels it is. However, there is more than a grain of honesty here. Over the course of the last year, I have had a car stolen, have lost a pet, have been in lockdown in my office because of a crazed gunman, have dealt with stark poverty, and have had to deal with dozens of smaller (albeit equally challenging) setbacks. Frankly, somewhere around the middle of September, it occurred to me that 2007 was doing its absolute best to kill me. I can laugh about it now, having emerged as the clear victor in this power struggle, but it was a pretty disturbing realization, particularly given that I then had to survive for another three and a half months.

Actually, to be honest, I laughed about it in September. Still, on some level, I believed that it was true. And, as every month offered its own surprise disaster, each of which nearly bankrupted us, I started to wonder if my September joke was really all that funny. Still, up until December, I was pretty healthy, and was able to laugh off my own suspicions about the evil plans of 2007. Then, on Christmas Eve, as the year wound to its close and the finish line was in sight, I picked up a brutal little virus that, in the words of Monty Python, opened the sluice gates at both ends. I initially thought that it was food poisoning, and spent most of Christmas day lying in bed and groaning, in between hurried visits to the bathroom. The 26th was better and, by the 27th, I was feeling healthy enough to return to work. Then, on the 29, I got a return of the nasty stomach bug and ran back to the bedroom. As the days went on and I was reduced to a diet of bananas and applesauce, I wondered if 2007 was, indeed, going to get the better of me. On Sunday, just as I was almost beyond caring, I rallied, and was once again able to eat solid food and walk more than a few steps without collapsing from exhaustion.

I'm now feeling a lot better. George, the wife, and I rang out the old year with our wonderful friends Jen and Joey, who were visiting from California. We visited Totonno's pizzeria, chasing the transcendent pizza with some wonderfully nasty Chinese food, locally-brewed beer, and copious amounts of champagne. Feeling flush with my victory over 2007 (and more than a little buoyed by the bubbly), I decided to dance on the grave of the last year, and stood outside the front door with my wife and friends, yelling "Feliz Ano Nuevo, Bitches!" to the world at large. As the salsa music blared and our victorious yells echoed from the tenements around us, I said a silent prayer of thanks for my survival, not to mention the fact that my neighbors were kind enough to refrain from shooting at us.

Today I awoke feeling downright bouncy. I ran all over the neighborhood, picking up breakfast items for the people in my house and generally enjoying the fact that I had survived to see 2008. I have no doubt that this will be a better year than the last, and I hope that your new year is as wonderful as mine!

Happy New Year,


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  • happy New Year crank!! I'm glad you made it too and yeah, 2008 is going to rock!!

    By Blogger Claudia, At January 1, 2008 at 7:09 PM  

  • Happy New Year C-ster! Upwards and onwards in 2008 for everyone!!

    By Blogger JamieSmitten, At January 1, 2008 at 10:20 PM  

  • I swore 2007 was going to be the year of the matt but... it nearly killed me too. I believe I spent 6 weeks w/ flu-like illnesses and most of year underemployed...

    Happy New Year, indeed!

    By Blogger M@, At January 1, 2008 at 10:26 PM  

  • Feliz Ano Nuevo, Bitches!

    Yo. That says it all.

    Glad you survived the Perils of Hell and wishing you, Misanthropster and George a perfectly wonderful year.

    By Blogger heartinsanfrancisco, At January 2, 2008 at 2:19 AM  

  • Claudia-
    Thanks! I know how rough your 2007 was, too. Yay, Us!

    Damn Straight!

    I've decided that I can handle underemployed--work satisfaction is definitely on the upper end of the hierarchy. Sickness, on the other end...

    You, too. Thanks for being there all year.

    By Blogger Crankster, At January 2, 2008 at 7:12 AM  

  • You know, this is the first time that I've ever consciously thanked a year gone. It seems like it was a rough one for many. Luckily, it was spotted with wonderful moments like meeting you and your family and hot chocolate with crunchy bits and brilliant art critiques. I'm glad we survived 2007. Here's to a brighter joyful 2008!

    By Anonymous Franki, At January 2, 2008 at 8:31 AM  

  • Hey..Welcome Back...and Happy and "healthy" New Year Year to you and yours!!!! Hope you're feeling better! I was sick too for sucks...How's Ella doing?


    By Blogger Odat, At January 2, 2008 at 10:09 AM  

  • Whew, you made it! Yeah!!! Happy healthy prosperous and wonderful 2008 for you and your family.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, At January 2, 2008 at 11:55 AM  

  • Happy New Year, Crankster. You know what they say, "If it doesn't kill you..."

    Here's to a better 2008.

    By Blogger Mystic Wing, At January 2, 2008 at 5:37 PM  

  • Wow, that's a lot better than my "I was abducted by aliens" excuse I gave for not writing much in December. I didn't even apologize this time because even though I was busy, I was mostly having fun and too embarassed to admit that I just didn't want to stop and blog. I really do sympathize but look at it this way. You wrote a lot of really great stuff in 2007 and being content just doesn't always give you the great stories. Besides 2008 has nowhere to go but up as you noted. Happy New Year Darlin'

    By Blogger Spellbound, At January 2, 2008 at 8:14 PM  

  • Franki-
    You definitely made surviving the year a little easier. Thank you for reminding me of a few fantastic moments. Here's hoping we have quite a few more in 2008!

    Ella's got another post coming. She's doing okay, but is preparing for yet another procedure.

    Sorry to hear that you were sick, too. Hope you're feeling a lot better!

    Reflecting Pool-
    Back at you! Here's hoping we get to see a lot more of each other in the coming year (hey, it's one of the things that makes surviving worth the struggle!).

    Mystic Wing-
    Nietsche is cold comfort when you're yakking on Christmas. Thank you for the sentiment, though. Here's hoping We all have a great 2008!

    Thank you. I'm glad your Christmas was so much fun. Frankly, I'm enjoying the hell out of my early, early January!

    By Blogger Crankster, At January 2, 2008 at 9:52 PM  

  • Holy crap! (oh, sorry, no pun intended there)

    I had no idea you'd been through all that in one year. I'm new here.

    It's no wonder your body revolted after all that stress. I hope you're better now. And I hope Ella is doing well.

    Here's to the best damn year ever for you and all of us! (It better be good, or it finally better just kill me and end this crap is my perspective. LOL)

    Happy New Year!!!

    p.s. I haven't emailed you yet about writing stuff because you had enough on your plate. I will though, and thank you for the offer. But take your time answering. Only answer if you have the time and energy. last thing I want to do is add to your stresses.

    By Blogger Echomouse, At January 3, 2008 at 1:38 AM  

  • God, yes!

    2007 was my annus horribilis. Thank fuck it's over. Thre was definitely something going on in the heavens and the god were laughing at our suffering. Bastards.

    All I wish for 2008 is that it's less unpleasant than 2007. For all of us.

    Happy New Year, Cranky.


    By Blogger Glamourpuss, At January 5, 2008 at 9:23 AM  

  • Echomouse-
    E-mail away. You are definitely not among my stresses!

    Well put, and well put. Here's wishing you a less stressful year!

    By Blogger Crankster, At January 22, 2008 at 7:10 AM  

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